I’m starting to unpack some of my thoughts on mens ministry. I’m aware that i’m not presenting
fully formed thoughts in this blog right now, however, I have to start somewhere.
This first thing that I have to wrestle with is probably the term that is “mens ministry”. I am aware that this one phrase alone stops me engaging with it altogether.
To say a ministry is for “men” is to suggest that all men need to be engaged in the same way as each other and to me therefore denies the fact that men are different. If we say our focus is men then we, i believe, start to have problems. By lumping us altogether suggests the same ministry will be for all of us and would be suitable.
My experience of mens ministry has the starting point that “Men don’t talk about feelings and that men find it hard to sit in a group and share, through conversation, how they are feeling.” indeed i started listening to a CVM podcast today that made this exact point, that we have to start with this understanding that men are fundamentally different than women and the ministry to them has to reflect this.
(I just wanted to cry, but as I am a man, and am not in touch with my emotions, I simply tried to fix the problem!)
So the suggested answer is to provide a different way for men to engage with the issues. Provide them with a radical cause to ge behind as men are problem solvers want to fix things.
I struggle with this. Not as a concept as I recognise that not all men are the same. For some this is will be a perfect way to engage in a living faith. Also for some men who are in church and can relate to this, I would imagine that they see this as the answer as a way to reach other guys.
However, I cannot connect to this process of engaging with my faith and could not use it as a way to engage others.
So it’s not for me. That’s fine, I can deal with that. There are other guys for whome it works perfectly. Go for it!
However, where does that leave me? I’m a man, who is no longer able to engage in mens ministry & I cant engage in women’s ministry (the clue is in the gender name).
So I feel maginalised. Pushed to the edges simply by a title.
You’ve summed up my feelings too. You’re not alone in this frustrated position where men’s ministry doesn’t connect and I don’t know what the answer is. I do feel there is a real danger in reducing people to what I would perceive is one of the ‘lowest common denominators’, their gender, but I also recognise that it works for some. The question for me is how are we (the church) being inclusive through gender specific ministry. I have no answers, just questions, but want you to know you’re not alone. I look forward to this series.
Dan, I wonder if we need to look at personality types rather than Gender. Having said that, I also see there could be benefit from being with people who can challenge me.
Sorry to be blunt but there’s a lot of muddled thinking so far. Not surprised you don’t know the answer if you’re not sure what the question is. “Men’s ministry” does not imply all men are the same. True, men generally don’t like share feeling much – I’m afraid that’s life. But having a meeting specifically aimed at getting men to share feelings will not work for most men – believe me! Hence the need to make it event based. However, of course, in meeting together there are opportunities to share. Perhaps the starting pointing is to define it’s purpose. Perhaps even, what you are aiming for isn’t even gender specific.
Sorry grant. I hope that what I have expressed is that this is my experience and based on an understanding of what I am realising I need for myself. The conversation is born form me wrestling with the whole notion of single sex ministry. I’ve also never suggested that this is a well thought out issue in my life. It’s not a thesis just a place for me to talk openly.
I know this works for many many people. I just know that for me it’s hard to engage with.
I (almost) completely agree with you on this. However, you seem to have missed one really important point. You are the end of that journey for most men. You talk, cry and emote. If the point of men’s ministry is to bond and chat- to pen up- you are already there… and yet…