In starting working on a one to one basis with young people, especially in a school setting like I do, it is very easy to start at the end point. By this is mean that those young people are referred to me with an issue in mind. Perhaps its anger because of a situation or an inability to express emotions following a bereavement. With this comes a desire for the young person to be free of that which holds them back from being the best version of them that they can be.
So we know what we want the “end product” to be. For example; awaits of their emotions and in control of their response to situations.
If we were to look at the past young people I have worked with we know, for sure, that we did not reach the end goal by working out what the problem was and just changing the thought or behaviour in one session. It takes time. It takes a process and no matter how flushed with success on a previous client i may be I have to start from the beginning with every young person and trust the process.
This video shows an excerpt from: Joyce DiDonato: Master Class at Carnegie Hall and shows this idea of process over end result beautifully.
The stand out statement for me was this:
Don’t recreate what just worked. Analyse the process you went through to create that result. You go for the result? it ‘aint going to work. It might, but its luck, its not technique.
With every client where there was a successful outcome there was a process that took place before the outcome was reached.
- Build rapport
- Build Relationship
- Learn their language
- Explore / examine
- Small step change
Please know that the process of building relationship and learning the emotional language of the young person is way more important that focus on the final outcome. That will happen naturally is you allow the process space to develop.
Frustration to move the person can lead to the process being skipped but this can lead to a breakdown in relationship. A young person can then believe that you are not there for them but are their to advance your own agenda. Be there for them. The process leads to trust, which leads to the ability of a young person to engage in the process.
Trust the process. The outcome will be amazing.