Writing my story
A quick update on this blog series where I am taking you with my on my journey on how i sift through my life to discover who I am, what I am made to do and possibly how I will do that.
So far I have explored:
Part 1 : How I got to this point
Part 2 : Challenging my negative self-beliefs
Part 3 : Understanding my story
Each part of this process has enabled me to create a better picture of what i have experienced, how it has effected me and my thinking and what I have started to do to regain a balanced view of myself and combat the negative self-beliefs that shaped my script (possibly more about this soon) in life.
To explore the idea of my deep flow narrative I have taken the time line that I drew up and started to break it down even more into a linear story. It essentially started by looking something like this (But even more messy as I had written all over it:
Although the above process was helpful at finding some themes and connecting them it wasn’t until I started to write it out like a story that it came alive. I started to “feel” the experiences and relive them in a new way as I wrote them. this time though I was looking at them through a different lens. I was not longer reliving them as a child but as an adult. I started to see for the first time, in some cases, the significance of words said to me and experiences I had as a child, and then later as an adult.
So I have started to write my story out as it it were a memoir/novella. Seeing my life in this way, as a narrative, provided the opportunity to examine the significant parts and discover the “what and why” in all I have been passionate about through my life.
The honest feeling I had going into this process was that I was looking for the next and new thing to reveal itself to me. However, what I have actually rediscovered is a lost narrative and passion that I have had for years. Something that is uniquely me.
When I showed my wife the complete diagram she came back with an idea that gets to the heart of what I have been doing for the last 10 years of my life in one form or another.
I think that over the years I have tried to fight and put right the various experiences I have had. Yes, i recognise that they have led me to do what I do, however I think now I am here I have tried to put them firmly behind me. However, I am now wondering what it would be like if I really embraced the mess, allowed it to really shape who I am and what I do.
In some ways allow this unique experience to draw on and share. This one life is mine to draw on and rather than run from it:
What part of that can I share?
What part of that has value?
What can I share with others so that they learn from my experiences?
Coupled with my training and professional practice there is the start of a way forward. This though comes from embracing my mess and allowing it to be my message.